What the Blog are you Blogging About?

This is where I write about my exotic, stress-free lifestyle, my perfectly behaved children, and my no-fail mothering techniques. Yeah, I like to write fiction.

So…you’re a girl then…

As a mother of a four-year-old, I encounter some interesting experiences.  Let me first say…my son seems to have an appreciation for the soft spots on my torso.  Particularly the two which once fed him when he was a baby.  Every once in a while he’ll squeeze in appreciation and smile at me which only makes me laugh.  Only a child could get away with that sort of behavior.  Imagine if a stranger approached and expressed his approval that way.  He’d be curled up in a ball in fetal position begging for his mommy after I got through with him.

But yesterday I had another one of those “mommy” moments.  My four-year-old marched up to me and dragged his hand quickly from my neck to my belly-button like I was some sort of ATM machine and his hand was the card.  With a little shock in my face I blinked and said, “What was that for?”  He replied as he walked away casually, “I just wanted to see if you were a girl.”

He also checked daddy in the same fashion.

Daddy had no idea what was going on and why mommy was laughing so hard.

I have a cunning plan

Ask a four-year-old to say that someday.  It’s hilarious.  “I have a cunning plan” coming from a child under the age of five is really funny.  Trust me.

But I digress.

Why is it that when I say, “It’s time to get ready for bed” the children do not hear those words?  They seem to be physically incapable of hearing instructions.  The hearing shuts off.  They hear nothing.  Zero.  Zilch.

Phone rings….and now it’s my turn to hear nothing.  Nothing on the other end of the phone because the children are saying, “Mommy!  Mommy!  I need…but he hit me…but I want…can I…” and no amount of “stop talking to me while I’m on the phone” will actually stop them.  They are obsessed with having my attention when that phone is hooked to my ear.

So here is my idea.  Bear with me here.  The next time I need to get the kids’ attention…I just need to pick up the phone!  If I put the phone to my ear and then they come flocking to me with demands, I can respond with “get ready for bed” and they should hear me, right?  Tell me that’s not genius!  I know.  You can thank me later.